Monday, February 16, 2009

The Musical Consequences of Poor Parenting

If you dance and sing in lingerie and a leather jacket in front of the battleship full of sailors while your son (he's the ones in the sunglasses) plays guitar for you...

he will grow up and make music like this;

A Dope cover band whose aspiration is to open for Marilyn Manson and you will have no one to blame but yourself.

12:21 AM

If I ever have twins I'm going to tattoo half a treasure map on each of them and then separate them at a young age leaving only enough clues for them to find each other.  The tattoo map will lead them on an odyssey of high jinks and self-discovery with danger around every corner.  After an epic adventure they'll find the real treasure is their relationship as brothers and the value of having a father who can sell a true story to Disney. 

Saturday, February 7, 2009

Bathroom Art & Finally An Affordable Cult

This painting was hung in the men's bathroom in the BYU art museum.  Photos courtesy of my friend who works in the museum.  They think it may be currently exhibiting artist Dan Steinhilber working under a alias.

Somethings you just can't satirize something because it's very existence is like parody masturbating.  It's like the guys who write the SNL parody commercials were like; "Hey what if we did one of a blanket with sleeves! [chuckle, pause]  Hey, that's kind of a good idea..."  

I hate it  when my blankets slip and slide!

Monday, February 2, 2009


While performing my duties as a flower deliver man a state trooper pulled me over.  We all make mistakes.  There is no way he could have known I was minutes away from being late delivering those dozen stargazer lilies.  The proper thing to do would be to extol me to drive safely and send me on my way but he had the audacity to cite me.

Now I can understand giving a ticket to this guy.  This is smug Masshole JT;

That's not the guy he met though.  He met  pious, slightly bewildered
 by life and how girls don't call him back, Utahn JT;

How could you give him a ticket!?